+Season of Loneliness+

The last leaf falls cushioned by the wind
As the snow falls upon my heart
My love’s been shelved as another memory
Oh... Till another season pass

Suddenly the trees rain forth their leaves
Why didn’t I feel the change before?
Oh... All the streets are lined with people in love
I walk alone in the embrace of night

I want to bid the past farewell
But the seasons they so quickly change
Oh...And it is so hard to stay strong
In this season of loneliness
The sea is a mirror for the bright sunshine
As love blossoms all o’er the Earth
All around excitement’s in the air
Oh I remember the madness

I look out of my window to see a withering tree
And my heart weeps for it
Oh... I now understand the feelings of those who’ve loved
How their hearts have been slowly withering

I want to bid the past farewell
But the seasons they so quickly change
Oh...And it is so hard to stay strong
In this season of loneliness

Again I’m bitten by the frosty wind
As the last bit of flame flickers weak
I flip through the album of my memories
It’s still the season of loneliness

-----------------------------------
'Ji mo de ji jie' [Season of Loneliness] by David Tao

wanted to give credit to the translator but I forgot where I've taken from >_<'' truly sorry..

the song truly reflect my heart at the moment coz I remember listening to this song during this time last year & it just made sense now... how sad to lost the person u love & all the feelin' u treasure in ur heart got blown away..

*wandering with the moon*

ummmmmm one click of a button & my previous post went missing so I have to wrote another.. blah.. I was ranting about shitty stuffs so maybe it wasn't meant to be post anyway :(

Today is 'Loy Krathong' .. November fullmoon festival... a time to celebrate, pretty much like 'thanks giving'.. thanking the buddha & the river for supporting lives thoughout the year.. I think it's 'family' quality time.. where kids dress in traditional costumes & float the flower-resemble thingy, 'krathong' ['loy' mean floating] there's also firework & fair :) very nice event can be watch on TV XD

I never join this festival since my parent r such old-headed Chinese family XD nyaaa~ it's my dad who never anticipate in any festivals... he never takes me anywhere except the time to give respect to our ancesters grave [that's probablythe most important Chinese festival apart from newyear]

lol~anywho I should be doing some pic I meant to draw for 'Loy Krathong' festival.. well not exactly but it just happen to be drawn during the festival.. have noting to do with 'Loy Krathong' whatsoever... not so sure if I will fin it on time.. >.<

the title *wandering with the moon* is the new track from Tension's greatest hit compilation 'Story'... ;P

like *WTF"~!!

I came back coz I just update my site & I can't see it~!!!! So damn frustrating~!!! >_<

I miss writing nonsenses on this blog for no reason... actually what happen the last time I did an update was almost a year ago so now it turn into a 'memory' & I'm so full of 'memory' right now that I hope I wont break down & cry after reading coz I'm f**king miss every single things that has happen before & now I lost so much.. I can't believe anything I actually saying anymore...

I lose 'hope'... not all but most of it went down the drain.. my youth is fading & I only see gray lining in my 'future'... :(

I'm too content to be selfishly secure in my lil' hole..

like WTF!?

moving on father's day

Ok, this will be my final blog... if u wanna read more.. pls go to here where I submit my pics & writing my journal ^v^/ I can't really support 2 journals at the same time so... hope u go read there ne..

It's father's day tomorrow... luv you dad alot na ja~

++Deviruchi's Kafra++

++Deviruchi's Kafra++
This is what I spend my couple of days working on it only to find how sucks it was when really published >_<... not that I'm dissatisfied with the work but I didn't think it would look this lousy... T-T oh, it's for the Thai RO Kafra Contest... people kept dressing Kafra with traditional dress.. but I feel like no Kafra in RO really look Korean [accept for certain NPC] nor Jap nor Chinese whatsoever.. ain't it suppose to look internationally? coz Kafra was the services girl all over the maps & not just certain areas... I just feel bored of seeing Kafra in Thai dress not that I hate it... >_< everybody kept doin' it same ol' same ol''....

We gonna see another shocking result out of this contest again... I'm so sure of it.. if I'm wrong then it will be nice to see some decent pics get the prize [won't be mine anyway] unlike the fanart contest last time... >_< I'm totally disapprove of the winner.. but u can't change the result anyway.. so...

/me digging a nice cozy hole to fit myself in....

note: Deviruchi's is the name of the hat that my Kafra wear coz I like the damn thing so much... Her dress wasn't really that outstanding & doesn't give any RO reference so I put the hat on her head just to make her look more wicked ^_^/ see if you like it.. & tell me

*insert title*

I really wish I could talk about last Sunday in which I went to the VBK comic party, but I only get there like couple of hrs or something coz I spent most of that morning making my bro's dojin & didn't get any sleep at all.. [but my adrenaline ran really good at the time ^_^]
The result was 5 books & we ran out of ink T-T [I swear to buy laser printer if I got enough money] so there we go.. me & my bro.. to Silom complex & it was crowded as ever.. just to feel & sell those 5 books... We didn't get enough brain to set the right title so 'MaRL' came in mind [a mix of the character initials] & we used it coz it's convinence but I'm gonna suggest a changes.. >_< coz I don't really like it that much...

so there you go... I have my say on that.. but I really dunno why I'm saying.. sometimes I feel so tired about writing but I feel the urge to talk most of the time unlike my bro who go babbling when he didn't get much sleep.. I usually babbling to myself most of time.. But I'm quite busy with stuffs now so.. it become iregulate now...

I tried making more sense when writing blog next time.. Y-Y

*fire alarm*

Wow... I haven't been written for so long >_< I got carried away by so many things now I don't think I will want to wrote it down.. the important thing is 'now' right? @v@/

Today, We had this huge activities with eliminating fire & working security (dunno what they call it in Eng) a very big event & lots of hectic stuffs to do... I don't like to mess up with fire coz I'm scared of it ( can't even light up matches without giving a litte yelp!) & now I'm wearing contact lenses so better not go near it... anywho, having activities with colleagues are very heart warming ^_^ feelin' very much like a big family where everybody shout, laughs & making noises all the over the place.. just so much fun... it feel so much like going back to school.. Ain't it funny? how I hate school life so much but now I kinda miss it.. I wish I've done it better only if I can do it all over again na...

The most surprising thing about today is this annoucement from the big boss about kicking out some employees... very scary.. I never thought that people who work for so many years would be fired that easily @_@ ok, not so easy but they did get fired & I had fear over my working fate coz I'm not fully employed yet >_<'' very very afraid.... I'd be very careful from now on... about doin' & talkin' & workin' real hard >-< still I can't resist the urge to surf the net just to relax... T-T duh!

sorry if today is a litte depressing.. I havn't manage my time very well to wrote every day.. & I didn't play RO that often either T-T/

*Rag-on!*

I went back to play Rag-online again after stop playing for couple of months (since I got a job that is) My time limit is not over yet so I guess I'll have to use it till it's over... not that I'm addicted to RO, mind you >v< Cy-chan gonna release another RO-dojinshi next Oct & My bro got to do the project too. So I kinda like become my brother's personal manager coz he's so damn lazy to think of a story... I'm not too good with RO so gotta use some sense >_< hope it come out on time.

Ok, as of today... I met this very nice Acolyte girl in RO. She's so nice to us novice (or to me? hahaha) everytime she met me standing or sitting.. She heal me without a word >v< I'm so happy coz I 'm so poor to buy any red potions & I'm too weak to fight long.. seeing her means that RO isn 't such a bad place like what the media like to say... OK, some childish brats who like to root & jam are everywhere but there must be some kind people out there too.. coz it's an Online game & like a society.. bad & good people hanging out there together... So today I wanna contribute my thanks to that Acolyte whom I forgot her name already >_< sorwey~!!! I'm gonna become an acolyte too ^_^ so I'm gonna be good like you sister!weeee~!

Song of the Day *Angel* by David Tao (thanks for coming to save my soul, Ms Acolyte >///<.. ^v^/)

*Hu Die*

I found my oasis today ^v^ 'davidtao.org'a whole web dedicated to David Tao~!!
someone translate David's lyric from 'Black Tangerine' so I finally understand why that Shantou's girl said 'his song is so dark' well.. it's inspried by the 9/11 incidents so most of the song is so sad but hopeful.. I can't understand much but after I read the Eng-translation of 'Dear God' it so clear how he felt about 9/11 >_< he's so damn American! not that I mind though... I grow up to American music heck! that must be the reason why I'm so attracted to his songs though sometimes I kinda like Penny's cheerful & sweet tunes better... I've been reading through his biography & interviews... wow! he's so passionate about his music.. I never thought to find a true musician & artist like him ever~! this is so cool ^_^ I'm so glad to find him!

last sunday I went to karaoke with bunch of friends (9 altogether including me!) we sings lots of Japanese songs though I really want to sing more Chinese songs but my chinese is too poor, I can't put on a record >_< next time I'll be more prepare & I'll sing 'David's' & 'Penny's'! ha ha we end up singing the tune from 'Sailor moon' & 'Saint Seiya' that remind us how old we are to still crazy about these oldie-anime >3< still it's fun.. we got a great laugh out of it & a good time too. I even learn how to get my voice right on the microphone but it still sound crappy & funny... will do better next time

the title 'Hu Die' (butterfly) is from David's 'Black Tangerine' Album (I'm definately gonna get his 'Ultrasound' hit album) I really not impress with the tunes but after I read the translation in Eng.. I fell in love with the beautiful lyric.. how he manage to make it sound special.. I wonder >v<.. the song 'Hate the red Chamber' is also funny.. I never read the novel 'red chamber' before but I get some ideas about the concept of how naive people thought about love making.. or maybe I got it all wrong (might try to read it someday)

There are two versions of 'Hu Die' so I gonna put on both ^_^ as I like both!! haha

"Butterfly"

When this world decided to abandon me
Like a hurt soldier I was left in the wilderness
I started to question the meaning of existence
In other’s eyes I became invisible
Does losing once mean I will never win again
Who will come save my lost soul

Every time I see you my soul becomes tranquil
Like a butterfly flying over a wasteland
I can continue to live I found my courage again
Your love is like oxygen helping me breath
I can breath again I can breath again
You’re just not willing to give up

Life is filled with all kinds of problems
Like walking through a maze without an exit
Oh no Time and time again I use excuses to escape
How come you never give up on me
What did I do to earn and deserve your care
How come you answer to my every call

Every time I think about you
The clouds part and the sun shines
See a butterfly fly over the wasteland
It’s so beautiful almost like a miracle
Helps me stand up from where I fell Wooo…

When I get close to you I feel safe
Your eyes look into me with no suspicion
You trust for me lets me be reborn
It doesn’t matter how cold this world is
I have you who loves me I have you

Loving someone like me isn’t easy for you
You experience my pain with me You’re the only one
Like how the sky clears after a rainy day
See a butterfly fly over the wasteland
I can keep on going I will forget the past
You are the one who helped me find my new life
credit to: UT Longhorn

the 2nd version of
"BUTTERFLY"

When this world has already abandon me like an injured left behind in the wildness
I Start to question if my existence has a meaning
In other's eyes I seem to be invisible
Is it losing and you'll never balance back
Who will come and safe a trouble soul
Everytime I see you, My heart is very quiet
Like a butterfly flying though a waste land
I still can live, I still can find courage
Your love is the oxygen helping my breathe
I still can breathe I still can breathe
You are never willing to give up
Life is full of mess, seven eight bad questions, Like running in a puzzle without an exit
Oh no... Again and again only use excuses to escape
Why haven't you got completely over me
What do I have for you to value
Why are you doing everything as I wish
Everytime I think of you, it's like the sun after the rain
Seeing a butterfly flying though waste land Is very beautiful Like a miracle
Like my standing up when I fall down Woo...
Only get close to you To feel safe
You look into my eyes without questions
Your trust to me Like me living again
Don't care how cold the world is, I still have you I have you
Loving a person like me is not easy on you
My pain you have to experience
You the only one to accompany me to heavan and hell
Everytime I think of you is like the sun after rain
Seeing a butterfly flying though waste land
I can continue
I'll forget the past You make me find a new life yeah....
Everytime I think of you, My heart is full of thanks
Now I can face myself
I'll treasure it forever I'll love you forever
In my heart, no one can replace your position yeah
You're the only one
credits to: longfumoon (+reesa)

The first was more compose but the second was the first that touch me ^//^ confused? heheh

*rain & sun*

what happen to my Oe BBS?!! O_o'' it's gone! dead? I dunno >_< hope not...I just make a new pic last night... ::sniff sniff::

Anywho, I'm quite content today ^_^ so I gonna talk about 'Pirate of the Caribbean' (correct the spelling) I finally seen it... & Johnny Depp is so damn gay! ha ha that's what I expected ^v^ Orlando Bloom was cute as 'Will Turner' (like him more than when he play 'legolas' in LOTR) It was a fun show so I went to check for fanfiction @ fanfiction.net lots of cute WillxElizabeth ficcies ^v^ surprisingly for JackxAnnamaria (it quite fun too) I can't find any WillxJack one! (I'm not actually into Yaoi stuffs much but I like to read the couple too :P they are adorable!) if they'll be a good stories.. I'll tell u ok ^_^/

It was suppose to get cozy but the sun is out at noon & rain come out at night O_o'' a weird weather isn't it? I can't get home without getting wet... that's not good...>x<

*I can't smile without you*

I was suppose to start up with a cheerful story about me goin' out & see 'Pirate of the Carribean:curse of the black pearl' yesterday... but I got caught with another embarrassing moment again today.. so it's no fun at all >_<... /me being childing for another whole forsaken day...

I feel headache, I feel tiring... I can stand a whole bunch of work load but I just can't stand making another person feel disappointed in me... T-T if only she could understand me just abit... but I suppose my personality just gave way for another disappointment...

/me humming the tune of 'I can't smile without you'.... but it's too sad to cheer my tiring soul...

if I'm happy enough tomorrow.. I'll tell some good stuff about yesterday ok? [sorry I always break promises.. so don't expect too much]

*Oopsie~!!*

I havn't tried to wrote from the office for what? a week? >_< I didn't dare do it eventhough my boss just got back from Russia [haha the cat is back!] my senior been keeping me busy but I still yet to get any busy.

I got nothing interesting what so ever with my life so I gonna post my latest pic here for ya all to see...

it's the twin from Tokyo Babylon, my old fav comic ^_^ I luv Subaru here than in 'X' [too grumpy & without his sis.. he seems like a lost puppy]

been doodle on the oe's board alot lately so go there & see ^_^

If Thai.net will be nice enough... I'll put up the new top pic on the index page too!

*call ya later okay~!*

Today I gotta receive too many phone calls & it's all important! @_@ I never receive this much calls in my life & how I hate talking on the phone... I never make good tel. conversation coz I get nervous all the time. try to make up a clever sentences is so difficult. That's why I still reconsider the idea of having mobile phone coz I never really meant to use it that much, it's just the trend Y_Y I thought siemen phone was kinda cute ^_^ while Nokia phone was more masculine [lol] can't choose >_<

well... I gotta fin yesterday's meeting report Y_Y ::sniff sniff::

*exhausted*

I didn't wrote for quite sometime -''- coz I can't use the office comp for personal purpose... my boss will be pissed off if she found out I surf the net.. & I havn't pass my placement period yet... (usually they give 3 months test but my boss give me just one month) so it's gonna be hectic trying to prove myself...

I hate coming home coz I ain't got a resting place... my dad still order me around the store like before... so I kinda wander ed the office more late everyday... doin' stuffs just to pass more time.. not good habit though but my boss & colleage seems to appreciate me for that..

Other than work my life pretty bored & it's my personal hell to manage >''< couldn't talk much... I'm not quite myself right now. Until I'm fully employ, I can't enjoy myself & I hate compliment coz I'll screw it up the next minute... pressure is more preferable although it's not good for my mental status.. I'm so damn tired!

*pre-mother's day*

Tomorow is Mother's Day here... so it will be a holiday. [not for me at home though] Anyway this morning, they doing a mother poem contest.. which bring tears to many listeners... It make me wonder what kind of bond me & my mom was having... since I don't feel connected to her that much. My mom was like going crazy when concerning my two brothers... [well... they're the son right?] but when it comes to me... she was like... 'take care of yourself, I'm too busy with your father & brother' so I sort of the lonely kitten ... NOT that she don't love me or even hate me.. I know she does care for me.. But the way she express herself make me feel vulnerable... My father was even worse.. We don't have normal conversation anymore.. He was so fade up with his tight world & I caugth up so much in my own world to care.. He's so disappointed in me but then again He got his perfect angel already 'my big sister' who got the perfect husband & a son... I will never be like her ever!

Enough with the family history --''-- if I have time then I'll doodle 'mother's pic' on the oe board..

*taoism*

^_^ I stumble across Pantip looking for cool topic & found David Tao's I was so excited coz everybody here keep talking about Jay Chou & not that I don't like him.. I do listen to his music But I prefer David better >_< Now there's actually someone who really know about his genius music, it make me happy :) I heard he goin' to release his greatest hit album... if I could find then I'll buy one. ^_^ My bro kept asking me 'do you think he's not actually Taiwanese? I never seen a Taiwanese with great Eng accent' ok. Lee Hom is also American & could sing in Eng but I still think David got the cutest Eng accent ever >[]< & his loony face is also cute too~! ^^ [wanted to use the word 'angelic' but that probably over exaggerate..] /me goin crazy....
& I'm happy that David gonna be Jordan Chan's producer for the next ablum ^__^ it gonna be great~!
Tonight I gonna listen to 'Yue Liang Dai Biao Shei De Xin' for the hundred times [never count anyway :P] although right now I'm quite obsess with 'Crazy About You' [very boy band's] ^_^

*twisted*

Today, some adjustment in the office concerning my work but nothing serious ^^'..hopefully
I've been trying to make a new web page but it seems that thai.net won't be much cooperative last night. I'll try to put the new web up tonight.

I give Ranma/Gasaraki fic a try. Not bad at all & it's more logical than GW/Gasaraki plot ^^' concerning more on Ranma as the Gowa's cousin & his curse thingy. It was a nice change although I'm mostly a sappy-fic fan ^v^ havn't fin reading all the chapters so I can't say much apart from that I like the aspect of Gasaraki in Ranma's world, really nice indeed. I think it's great for crossover plot. [where Ranma become a Kai & be able to pilot TA, sad that Yushiro & Miharu didn't make any appearance. I like torturing my fav chara ^_^]

No update for the web coz I havn't got time to do any CG pic.. mostly on the oe bbs
been thinking of doing more adjustment with my pitas page

Ok.. I'm done reading the 9 chaps [not fin yet] I thought it was really interesting the way the story solve most of Ranma's problems that he can't done it himself >_< now he don't have to be force to married anyone, get cure the right way, get the motherly love and maybe making new real friends.. [hopefully] Really it's a refreshing view ^v^ & I'm not really 'Ranma' fan at all... though I though Nodoka [Ranma's mother] having to much brain apart from being manipulate by the Gowa [Kiyoharu] so I consider her very OOC.. And then Yushiro appear somewhat talkative, havn't seen him talk to anybody like that in the serie in a very strange manner too. [another OOC] I don't mind the OOCness but do they need to get him killed >[]< by a simple car crash?! [with miharu included] this is sick...[ah... there gose my fav couple] But I like the improvement with the Tendo's though -''- Nabiki's getting at Ranma & he havn't got a clue about it ^^'' I feel sorry for the kid... But the writer seems to make everything easy for him.
Apart from lil' disturbing details, I really like the story ^_^ it's getting somewhere.... ['the TA martial art' sounds funny ::grin::]

*La petite*

that's the title for my new web [or it should be] ^_^'
I havn't manage to do much yet but it's ok to go visit ::La Petite:: I probably will keep the personal sections there... maybe ficcies? dunno yet but it's fun to edit ^_^

let me try to post a pic here.... let's see...

*Hweeeee~!!*

Bright spots of the Day:o^v^o
* Got a mail from Ellen ^_^ ~me very happy~
* read Gundam wing/Gasaraki fic >o< very cool & cute~!!! my two fav anime together~! I'm truly in heaven right now @_@ I never read crossover fic before so it quite confusing... The story start with Heero getting married to Relena then It shift to the sand bettle scene [Gasaraki] But then Trowa as Yushiro~!! O_o [& quatre as his former lover?... now that's funny] Miharu is so sweet >_< I never could imagine her that lovely~! ... sadly it didn't update since Dec last year TT__TT [will I ever read an ending to Gasaraki fic?] sniff.. sniff..

Atleast it will keep me happy for awhile...>_< wanna read more fic~!
/me go back to work now \^_^/

*my Eng is so crappy*

well.. I should start typing in Eng from now on.. I havn't use it for such a long time [a year?] so the wording will be very ugly & short (coz I run out of words to express)

Today we have a small meeting at the office... & I take in as much as I can but seriously gotta admit I was abit confuse at the context of the meeting since I'm so new to this place... & the working process was somewhat strange -_- I really am a newbie. Anyway we end up with a lil' party which contain eating, eating, eating & chatting.. so OK, I'm no good at conversation at all... that's my personality problem.

Yesterday [& almost everyday now], I got mad at my dad, who seem to think everybody is against him in such stupid manners. While I say nothing he imply as 'you're happy that I'm miserable' [who said!?] & when I tried so hard to explain to him that he could be happy despite differences among our family [very huge one too] He kept rejecting & think my words are nothing but foolishness. I'm way over my head with him. & to become a good daugther is such a difficult task altogether... I wish he would just take things abit lighter & end this stupid argument [my bro give up on him... I start to agree with him now] well, It's ruining the bonding of our family [which I wonder if we could be consider 'family' thinking that we only care for physical condition & being strictly cut off from 'social function']

Anywho, it's strange that I can't explain much about anything....so I can't really put it in to words now T-T I'll tried though....